I won’t lie… Mom-Guilt is something I deal with basically every day. And honestly, I have more “reasons” for mom guilt than I could fit in a typical blog post. So here’s my three reasons for mom-guilt.
– Aubrey is our oldest daughter and she’s five. Five has been such a great age for her. But I’ve had a lot of mom-guilt with her lately. She’s always been my helper and she’s always tried to be the center of our attention. And with a new baby in the house, it makes things a little difficult for her. Don’t get me wrong- she is obsessed with her brother! But it’s hard that she has to share her mommy and daddy with yet another person, and that tiny person requires a lot of attention. I’ve had to sit down and explain to her that he can’t feed himself, can’t go to the bathroom on his own, can’t entertain himself, etc. And she totally understands and acknowledges that— but it doesn’t make it any easier for either of us. I can’t tell you how many times I have put her to bed and then felt plain awful about how much time may have been taken away from her that day. But then I also remember, that I’ve given her something as well and that’s siblings. She’ll have people there for her when her father and I aren’t on this earth anymore. And for that… I’m a little grateful.
– Baileigh May. Oh man. This one is hard. So much mom-guilt over this one. She is SO different from her sister and literally in almost every aspect. And I’m trying so hard to not throw her into the “middle child” group because I’ve seen how that an affect a kid in the long run. But sometimes… I do it without even thinking. For instance, Aubrey needed a shirt for picture day and Jackson needed a pair of those terry fake jeans— I walked out of the store with just those things. But then it was pointed out to me that I left with nothing for Baileigh. I totally didn’t do it on purpose… But I felt so awful when it was pointed out to me. Super mom-guilt. I didn’t forget about her but it was obvious I wasn’t thinking about her while I was shopping either. Since that day, I’ve made it a point to get a little something for everyone if I need to get something but it’s just not fair. And although “life isn’t fair,” it’s not necessarily a lesson that I find important to teach at three years old.
– So he’s still new to the family. But that doesn’t mean I haven’t felt the mom-guilt with him. Obviously we cloth diaper, since that is what this blog was founded upon. But I’ll admit that we’ve used a fair share of disposable diapers too. We also breastfeed. But I can’t tell you how many times I’ve thought about giving him some formula to give myself a break. (It hasn’t happened- but I’m hanging on by a thread most days.)
Being a mother is seriously SO hard. Being a mother to three is as hard, if not harder, than I thought it would be. Our family life has finally adjusted since welcoming Jackson five months ago- but that doesn’t mean that it’s all high fives at te end of the day. Sometimes it takes everything I have in me to not cry over something I should have handled differently or something I should have or should not have said. There are days that this mom-guilt crap tears me up and I really just can’t help it. It’s a part of life, a part of living. It’s a part of raising these little humans that I’ve created. Some how, some way, i hope to have a better handle on my guilt as a mother.
“Ah, yes. The past can hurt. But the way I see it, you can either run from it or learn from it.”
-Rafiki, The Lion King